Monday, March 8, 2010

Finding the Surface ... Again

Hello Friends:

The cycle of sinking and surfacing is so tedious.  I'm sure you know the drill ... feel better, lighter, see some sun, then maybe too much sun, get feeling down, feel heavier, sink, stay down awhile, then start looking for sun again.  Over and over.

Not sure what exactly triggered this particular depressive episode, but I have a few ideas.  Probably a combination of dealing with the projectile V* lady at the airport in December, and then usual holiday blues, and then some family issues.  And there was more travel thrown in there, which always takes me days to recover from.  You don't see "hey, I'm about to go non-functional" creeping up on you, but then the next thing you know you are completely overwhelmed, without even the resources left to turn your computer on, let alone post to your blog.  Back at the bottom of the ocean.

At least this time my inability to deal with email/internet/blogs and stuff only lasted for two and a half months.  I think my longest was eight months.  I'm still feeling very bruised and shaky.  But I managed to get myself to go through some email, read a few blogs and a forum I like, and now even this post.  It's these little victories ...

You know me, normally I won't post unless I have enough to fill "War and Peace, the Trilogy" but for today, at least, I'm just putting in an update.  I know I owe you a second and final post to my "PTSD and The Crisis of Faith" theme, as well as a book review for a book on meditation and depression that I actually liked.  These are in the works, and hopefully will come out this week, as disorders continue to allow.

Anyway, thanks for your patience and support.  Again.

Oh, did I mention I have to go to the dentist tomorrow?  Sigh.

Your Hostess With Neuroses

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Wonderingsoul said...

Just came across your blog... and wanted to say I liked it and that I can identify with that cycle... and the inabiity to face things.

I also noted your reference to V* and wondered if, like me, you suffer from emetophobia..?


The Blue Morpho said...

Hello Wonderingsoul - Glad you stopped by; thanks for reading and commenting! I'm not an emetophobe, myself, but I learned a lot about phobias in general from a now defunct/archived blog here on blogspot that dealt with emetophobia. So I use the shorthand in deference to those like yourself who might find the word written out to be triggery. But honestly, sometimes I forget to abbreviate so I can't promise you won't run into it on my blog. ESPECIALLY the post I made prior to this one in December. You really might not want to read that one. Emetophobes nightmare, as well as nightmare for an OCD person like me who is afraid of illnesses and viruses. Anyway, I hope you will stop by the blog again!

Amy said...

Hey Morpho, glad you're back on the scene. Kudos for getting back on the computer and writing--a real achievement given how you've been feeling.

The Blue Morpho said...

Amy - Thanks muchly for the support. I really do love working on this blog, and a big part of that is knowing you and a few others stop by to check it out!

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