3 days ago
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Back after another hiatus. It is starting to get easier to come back and try to take up where I left off. Less guilt about having been away. Which was, admittedly, always kind of silly given that anyone who reads this blog already knows all about mental illness and the problems it causes. So I'll say I'm glad I'm up to writing today, that I hope I'm back on track for posting, and it's nice to see you all again and catch up on your blogs!
BUT the motivation to write today does, indeed, come from a point of frustration. For the last two weeks I've been arguing with my psychologist, saying that no, I do not have Seasonal Affective Disorder, I just really hate the holidays and need lots of time to get over them. Then my psychiatrist entered the fray, and I finally had to admit to the weight of the evidence.
Scientist = Objective x Irony
So now I have another disorder to add to my list at the top of this blog. I'm running out of room.
Why does this make me so angry? Usually, I feel validated when I get a diagnosis. I feel that my 'issues' have a name, a reason, and more importantly, a treatment. I usually feel some hope that there are new avenues to try, new options to explore to feeling better. But I strongly resisted this diagnosis, and now am angry I have a new disorder. I have enough to deal with ...
Then a semblance of rationality flits across my brain. Whatever has been going on during the winter months - either SAD, or family issues, or simply how much I hate snow - it has been and still is going on no matter what it is called. Reality has not changed because my 'winter blues' have a new name. I've been dealing with this all along. Naming it helps. Yes. Focus on that. Yep.
Still angry. Okay. Need some more time on this one. Did you get angry when you got a diagnosis? How about if you got like three of them? Five? More? Do you feel better with an acronym to your problem, or worse?
I know that eventually I'll focus on the positive, since that's what I've done before. But right now ... frustrated.
Your Hostess With Neuroses
Image credit/info: Zach Klein, from Creative Commons via Flickr CC 2.0
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